Time For The Half Time Huddle by Calvin Harris H. W., M.

Aloha, Calvin here,

This past January of 2022, like every 365 days of the Gregorian calendar, I have reset and begun goals,  projects, and directions for the coming year, as I have done every January.  

Yet what I don’t always get around to doing, but I am more focused on of late,  is the mid-point of the year, which is in the month of July.  Around the 182nd  day of the year is the time I Look Back,  to slow myself down,  maybe even to stop, to recalibrate and gauge where I am, look around at my goals, projects, and directions, to see what has changed or is in a different form than when the year began? 

Athlete Ezekiel Elliott Photographed by Kwaku Alston

I need to take a breath, to look around my world, maybe even recline with some personal reflections. Is my end game still in sight, or has the goal line been moved,  or been tackled by unforeseen forces; what other maneuvers could be slowing me down or stopping me from reaching my end goal  before the clock runs down.

I might want to look at those additional projects that I’ve taken on, or re-examine my response to the positions of responsibility that I find myself in.

This mid-year huddle allows me to regroup, redirect and recenter myself as a scrum for my game plays ahead.

What is needed is the huddle before the scrum, which is the time of assessment and focus.  Thus, I’ve come up with a reevaluation of work and play habits, a retooling of  knowledge, skills and techniques that will enable me to move with a more efficient effective flow for my days and weeks ahead.

I still feel, if only rarely, guilty about taking a midyear huddle.  Something feels like a twinge, when I begin the slow down or mid- year stop. This feeling is brought on by what seems to be less work getting done, as the shift in routine occurs. It can feel as if  I’ve taken my eyes off the ball, thus I must not be working hard enough, even though research and re-evaluation is arduous in itself. This slowdown may seem to be  jeopardizing the goal.

I bring this up, for this is a state of awareness  you may need to be aware of; some call it a state of workaholism. This means the purpose of  why you are doing what you are doing, is lost for the sake of just doing. You need to be aware of the drivers of this state of mind; The illusion of being busy, or for  Praise,  Status, Money (aka your Beast).  What follows then is the Guilt when you are not continually feeding the beasts. The beasts can have a way of taking over your life, when there is no reflection, evaluation and course corrections.  When there is no change of view or alignment, then life is lived out of  balance.

It is a curse of some over-achievers, when they are feeling guilt and shame, because every day they aren’t just killing it – working to smash career goals or earning money.

I have had to look at that reaction within myself to see where that comes from, to reconcile myself to a more focused and balanced practice, rather than trying to keep things in perpetual motion. Through strategic thinking,  I’ve come to conclude that maintaining a Life/Health Balance takes a different focus.

Ask yourself — “Do I feel anxious or guilty when I am not working 12 hour days (being in motion) towards what I think are the job goals?

If your answer is “yes” multiple times in multiple situations, then it’s an early warning sign.

The unexpected breakthrough and release from this dilemma can be through time  spent in reflection of what is the motivation  of  your true goals and desires.  Maybe a  shift in consciousness and vernacular is what is needed. Can what you are doing under the word “work”, be changed to the word “play”? 

Stock photo soccer teammates

What are the things that happen when you play?  Can you  immerse your awareness in a shift from considering “work” only to a  “work/play”  balance. This allows for laughter, friends, fun, and humor.

Review the situations to make them fun in their discovery.

 You may want to try adding the words Play and Fun to your  vocabulary and daily use. Be warned,  the first few times you do it, because you haven’t scheduled it before, could mean you feel guilt or shame because you are not working.

In time, this  obsession will subside because of the new concepts you will come up with about “Play.” It could  become the antidote  for  burnout and anxiety.

You may create a new Vocabulary with  “play” at the center of it.  This allows you to stop taking life so seriously. You may even  announce that your work-colleagues or your friends, are now referred to as your “playmates to success”.

Each of us is responsible for our own life, the expectations we give ourselves and justifications for our workload. It’s our duty that we evaluate, conclude, and move toward an alignment with our authentic self.

The basic idea is that your success and what you want out of your job and career will change over time in direct proportion to your  alignment with truth, and the humor that happens along the way to discovering your authentic self.

I like the words of Christian Morgenstern when he said — “Humor is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite.”

See you on the playground

Calvin

Conscious Focus Equals Being Awake By Calvin Harris, H.W., M,

To be Consciously Focused can mean a difference in our living healthier and happier lives. If Focus was thought of as a muscle, we can see that it is a muscle we often forget to flex! This blog is to remind us to build and improve our Focus, which is to be Consciously present.

This prevents us from kicking ourselves ‘after’ we have said or done something we wish we hadn’t. Maybe it was after you felt slighted or side-stepped, or maybe you were stressed and in a bad mood and snapped unfairly at someone. Whatever the reaction was,  if you are now sitting there getting down on yourself for getting  stressed; If you are upset because of actions taken or not taken, that had you acting out of balance of who you know yourself to be, then you were probably not awake, not consciously present in that moment.

 In the material of a class I had taken, called Translation, which was presented by the Prosperos School of Ontology, there was an insightful message from Viktor E. Frankl regarding conscious focus and choice. Viktor E. Frankl was a psychiatrist, philosopher, author, but key to our point, he was a  Holocaust survivor of a prison camp.  After the end of the 2nd World War,  Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

His statement, about using the power to choose, is a way to consciously exercise  your  Focus muscle.  For some, this is a chance for you to have a reset, allowing  you to think about responding mindfully rather than giving into automatic reacting.

 We all have ‘HOT’ buttons, meaning a reaction when there is a stimulus that causes our internal alarm bells to go off, thus activating our fight or flight response.  These responses are richly filled with reaction.  This we have witnessed within ourselves just by remembering  our doing or saying something totally unconscious, and then wishing we had not done it. These emotions unleashed, can cause us to feel regret, or to freeze up, or to be aggressive or defensive.  Some call it, “just feeling out of control.”

 These unconscious responses have been acted upon when you find yourself out of alignment with your core beliefs or have said something you regret.

Muscles' by Osmar Schindler 1907

Focused Consciousness, activated as if flexing a muscle, is the alternative to what has been described above, and can happen in the   S p a c e  between stimulus and response.  Right in the mist of those  internal alarm bells going off, and just before a response is activated to fight or flight, in that space you can impact your next action. You can consciously pause, as in taking a deep focused breath, and through your conscious  awareness, at that moment separate the coming action from the sensory information. That Space allows you to choose a more appropriate response that encompasses  your mental equilibrium and well-being, as well as that of  the other involved.

The result empowers you to act or speak from a place of clarity and intention, to be more present in the current moment.  In the moment of pause you can reflect, to think and create an alternative outcome.  An outcome more present and aligned with who you are and the kind of person you want to be. It has been called a form of being AWAKE.

Awake and conscious to when you are triggered.  Conscious to identify a  trigger, be it fear, anger, disappointment, hurt, loss… etc.,  and then to process the sensory information for a new outcome.

I suggest using the techniques Translation and Releasing the Hidden Splendour, two of the techniques taught by the Prosperos, to help you find that - S P A C E -  where freedom, growth and power lives.

Self-awareness in this context is  that conscious focus for the balance of mind, body, and emotions.

Some would call this a state of emotional intelligence.  This is  the awakened - S P A C E -  where you can pause; identify the reaction; consciously separate the reaction from sensory memory; then supersede and replace that reaction with an action that has you in the moment.  You are present, showing  up as your authentic self.

Living a more intentional life does not only benefit yourself, but your loved ones, and in your career and in your community. Your power lies in operating from the Now, by you showing up as a more  Consciously Focused Awake Being.

When you commit to being awake, you will have space and emotional intelligence to pursue your success.

Manifesting Your Dreams And Goal by Calvin Harris, H. W., M.

Manifesting Your Dreams and Goals

If you are not manifesting your dreams and goals, it could be because of your weekly ritual or what some call Habits that are not allowing for it.

I would like to call your  attention to two ideas that can change everything about getting results:

1). We want to go beyond your ideas on achievement, to look at the quality of your Actions that are used to bring about your goals and achievements.  

AND

2)  More important than the ‘action’ is having an open, mentally fertile environment with others to allow for creativity and critical thinking to take place.  If you are in a state of mental isolation, your ability to take action can be hampered or killed.

We all, at one time or another, have been hampered, felt overwhelmed and unfocused, or have procrastinated over our best and boldest ideas, letting them fall by the wayside.

If you find yourself in this state,  stop beating yourself up over it and instead, look to the cause and perhaps a solution.

You see, it may be in your programing, in how you approach a situation, it may be in the way you have always done things in the past;  Projects you just jumped into; projects handled pretty much unconsciously, automatically processing them the same way you have done for decades. This type of action has been called working from your monkey mind, or on automatic pilot, or your habitual way of getting something done.

This is unconscious programming, which repeats within you, and determines how you focus, execute, and achieve projects, goals, and dreams.

If the aim for results do not appear,  and it occurs time and again, this means many of us are wasting time, energy, and money on what we think is our goals but turns out to be busywork that leads us away from our goals or buries us in a “paralysis of analysis”  or the chasing of bright shiny objects.

Then at some point, we must become conscious of our situation and say, “I have had enough.”

You may come to the discovery of needing to be supported and being accountable.

You may begin to seek help. It may be in the form of taking a class;   attending a group; or seeking a Mentor or Life Coach to work with.  Hey, these things can start to turn things around for you.

Working with others can allow you to break the chains of mental isolation.   Consciously tapping into your creative genius that allows you freedom from the cycles of mediocrity, and allows you to love what you are producing.

Yes, it may take a personal trainer, life coach, or mentor to get you the support and accountability you need.

That enables you to become more conscious of your goals and planning; To steer you in the direction you want to go, and to maintain the progress you want to achieve. This happens through regular check-ins, being held accountable, and having the support to keep you focused and on track.

The bottom line is that you want to reconstruct Conscious Intention over Automatic Habit Responses, informing new habits that consistently turn your dreams, ideas, goals into visible concrete results.

Contact me for a discussion about your needs.

Aloha,

Calvin

Masculinity Lived As A Positive Lifestyle by Calvin Harris, H. W., M.

This article is inspired by the thought of New Year’s Resolutions and a blog heading I saw that read - “A Gentlemen’s Guide to Being a Man in the 21st Century.”

New Year’s Resolution? A Gentlemen’s Guide?? Some would say two dubious concepts at best, did you know that only 8% of people who make New Year's resolutions actually succeed in achieving them? Given the small percentage of resolutions accomplished within a year; and given the small percentage of men who are, or consider themselves Gentlemen, begs the question,  is the term Gentleman even used anymore? I have heard men called bitches frequently, but seldom is a man considered a gentleman anymore, which is sad.

A Gentleman should not be separated as something different than a Masculine man; In past decades James Bond, 007, could have once, passed as a Gentleman.  This change of attitude can be attributed to the bad rap Masculinity has been getting in the last decade, and thus to account for the separation and disappearance of Gentleman.

Oh, I’ve gotten ahead of myself, I started with New Year’s Resolution (NYR’s).

The reasons why many New Year’s Resolutions (NYR’s) fail come down to unconscious thinking of life as being broken down into segments and not as continuous living: it is not based on “a  continuous life – using living goals as a strategy.  In other words, It is not set-up in the person’s mind as something they are going to do for life, and thus to follow through on as a permanent life change outcome.

If understood and framed as a “Life change goal’ with defined small steps within a long-term process, not a short-term or once-a-year shot. Then that mindset shift changes from making New Year’s resolutions to creating lasting change throughout your life and will allow for unexpected accomplishments rather than the limited possibilities of a new year’s resolution.

Now as to this idea of Gentleman in the 21st Century, nobody really knows what that is going to look like. So let us address the elephant in the middle of the room, Masculinity in the 21st Century, yes, that is the hot topic at the turn of the 21st Century, and yes like New Year’s Resolutions, it is a decision every man will need to make as to how he will live his Masculinity.

Masculinity, like New Year’s Resolutions, If understood properly, has to be framed as a “Life change goal’ It has to be understood as a long-term process, not a short-term, once-a-year resolution. Masculinity is active, evolving, and changing, and for you to achieve your vision of it, on a personal level, will take small conscious steps to accomplish, and these will not be without challenges, culturally or otherwise.

“The superior man is he who develops, in harmonious proportions, his moral, intellectual and physical nature. This should be the end at which men of all classes should aim, and it is this only which constitutes real greatness.” - Douglas Jerrold.

It seems as males, we are plagued by the shifting cultural demands made by societies on Masculinity, and what is worse, we then have to hear the laments of societies, as to was it enough? too much? or too little?  Know that these questions and scenarios have stumped many of my fellow males and at one time myself as to how to behave, what actions to perform, and decisions to make.

The answers to those questions can be vast, confusing, and lead you into some murky depths,  depending on how and/or who you learned to be masculine from. Which is a very different question than what is my identity as a Masculine Male?

The problem — and even more so today — is that the responses wanted or required by culture/society diverges from the previous set of standards of behaviors, some of those standard set as far back as the 1950s. That divergence of masculinity has been widening ever since.  These changes go beyond being taught car maintenance, or love of football, or how and when to fight, or even how to tie a necktie? I wonder, will these even be issues in the 21st and 22nd Centuries?   

Thus, a question comes up what or how were you taught to be a “masculine male,” and now you as an adult, who and what does that mean, look like, or acts like to you?  For many males, those descriptors of the last century that described masculinity, are not the best fit, for how the masculine male wants to feel, be known as, or to operate from today.

It seems we are in unknown waters here, and the persons wanting to be identified as a person of the masculine gender and is looking for role models and masculine image figures, just might find only confusion based on societal norms offer, especially since these masculine roles are in transition.

We live an amalgamation, meaning; perceived character flaws and virtues of past decades of masculinity are sewn together like a patchwork quilt. This is good news for you because this amalgamation is up for evaluation and change.

Perhaps a better question here is what would you want to present to the world as your life and thus how  would your life be lived?

Thus, this conversation probes and dig into a discussion about society and ourselves, as to expectations about what is masculinity? What does that look like in real-time? and Why does it matter?

We want to look at it because we want to identify ourselves rather than having media telling us who we are, through online discussions, oftentimes giving a skewed picture of Masculinity called “toxic masculinity” i.e. pointing to the failures, shortcomings, and flaws of living out today’ version of masculinity. The content of these discussions are recounted stories of  mistreatment, or the scorn suffered at the hands of male lovers, friends, and family members, that when these stories are told, imply that “all” masculinity is “toxic masculinity.” We do not want to infer that the construct masculine is the portrayal, that all masculinity is toxic.

We do not want to confuse the word masculinity with its adjectives, or its’ modifiers… any of those words that follow masculine as being masculinity. What follows that word, only tries to explain a possible aspect of masculinity, not masculinity itself.

Let’s stop here for a moment and maybe reframe our subject matter. The actual issue, here is that no one has a clue as to what masculinity’s actual role will be. We’re able to point to traits, some considered at this time to be deplorable, and say they’re a form of “toxic masculinity,” yet by definition masculinity has to have its own set of characteristics.

Food for example — by definition —  food isn’t toxic. It only becomes so, if it is spoiled, that is infected with bacteria which would render it spoiled. 

If you know the concept food, and it purpose and function, then it does not become difficult to tell the difference between what’s nutritional support and what’s spoiled. If you did not know the concept food, then, every sort of food could be toxic.

Unfortunately, that seems to be the approach we have taken with the term masculinity. and — as stated — no one is talking about the defining traits or attributes of what masculinity is. We see it mostly in context revolving around topics like girls, cars, money, or gym workouts, which is rather silly.

Instead, we should be asking What traits which are timeless and not aged with societal whim and fancy can we use to describe masculinity.

Traits that can be used as a lens to look through for the timeless essence that represents masculinity, that we would want to emulate, masculinity at its best, and that with whom most would agree are the hallmarks of a good man or used to denote that phase “traits of a gentlemen.”

There is much to chew on with this article and to wrap your consciousness around. I would like for you to write out your definition of masculinity for yourself and how you want to out-picture it in your life, and how you would want to change or modify what that looks like?

I am not having you do this exercise from the standpoint of for good or bad but to understand that you are the ability to create, conceive and manifest in your world, because your real identity is wrapped up in the concept of conceiving words as much as the action of the word. that you are consciousness, the ability to think, plan, and execute ideas that will change you and your concept of the world.

Thus, as a male, you can choose how masculinity will be expressed in your world. If you identify as female how that masculinity will be perceived and accepted into your world. Hmm it seems we might be both if an action of stating and then conceiving an idea to come forth. Joking we are talking about states of consciousness, that may be under and back of all of this appearance But that is a discussion for another time.

It will be interesting what you come up with and the conclusion you come to about yourself. I would be interested in hearing about it

Aloha

Calvin.

Circumventing Your Logjams by Calvin Harris H. W.,M

Circumventing Your Logjam’s

The other day, in a phone conversation, I heard myself say: “I am about to get myself into a Log Jam.” Which meant to me, I could come to a standstill in my work because of the number of projects I had open at the time.

Having too much to do can paralyze you. I had to stop, reassess what was happening, and I needed to get things moving again.

I thought about the word ‘logjam’, and the folks in the lumber industry, as well as  movie plots where the plot of the film was people’s financial livelihood being dependent on navigating  the river, to float logs to sawmills, to be turned into lumber. What would happen when a log could get caught in a part of the river and block the others from floating downstream. The blocked logs would block others, and eventually the flow would stop. A literal jamming of logs and the possibility that a person’s  livelihood could be lost.

One of the  menaces  of our own business/social  life is that sometimes we have too much idle time on our hands, while at other times we’re too busy. Idleness in our time can sometimes lead to overcommitment. An ideal goal is for us to strike a balance between idleness and overcommitment, which is a challenge. Nobody sets out to overcommit. Sometimes we agree to take on a project, and when we get around to starting that project, we find the date has either pushed back or moved forward until now it is coinciding with another commitment. Sometimes we just lose track of the commitment and agree to something else that conflicts with it. Often, we can simply underestimate how long things will take.

Overcommitment is usually the culprit, that causes backup. A type of cognitive logjam. You are suddenly overwhelmed by the enormity of the tasks ahead. You find yourself paralyzed, or unable to make progress with any of the tasks that need doing. Tasks are intensified by other commitments, which then have started piling up, and before you know it, you’re in that cognitive logjam.

So, if you find yourself in the jam, here are some steps that may get things flowing again:

·        Make a list of all projects/commitments, that you can prioritize based on urgency, it’s importance, and their time demands. (I’ll often work with pen and paper for this.)

·        Re-negotiate some of the less-urgent items on the list. In reviewing these items, often I find the pressure I’m feeling is self-imposed; contacting those involved and, with empathy for their timeline, asking them for more time can work.

·        Then focus on one thing at a time. Set aside time, to make a cognitive space where you allow no distractions or reminders of the other things you have pending.

·        Get organized: have your task filtered by project, context, timeline, etc. I have friends that use to-do-list management apps on their computers.

·        keep reference materials for each project separate but easily accessible.

·        Environment can be a game changer in these situations. Change-up the visual context you’re working in. Get out of the home/office and go work in a coffee shop or Library. This change may not let you execute the whole project, but will allow you to plan, or at least to get your emails, outlines etc. done.

·        Look around you for talent, for your support team, people etc., that you could delegate things to. We are all burdening ourselves with things that could be more easily/better accomplished by somebody else.

In your quest to be proactive, there are some things I would advise against when finding yourself facing a logjam:

·        Don’t go back on your commitments. (as stated before, re-negotiating is a better option.)

·        Don’t leave people hanging. (communicate, communicate, communicate.)

·         Don’t get caught in the cycle of procrastination. I interpret procrastination as the mind’s natural reaction to being overwhelmed. Procrastination/ Then Guilt. This cycle only makes things worse. Instead,  be pro-active,  making progress with fly efforts. Baby steps of minor/easy commitments, just to get a sense of  things flowing again.

·         Avoid taking on more commitments until you feel you can be in more control over your schedule.

Above all, learn from the situation. Make note of what works and what doesn’t. In particular, be mindful of your time cycles - in your days, months, and years to identify, when you find yourself being too busy or idle. How did  this situation occur? What concrete steps can you take to avoid or balance out being in such a situation in the future? These will give you your takeaways from this situation.

Being conscious of your action or inaction, allows you to manage your time better. It also allows you to enjoy yourself guilt-free in times when you’re less busy, with the knowledge that it won’t be long before you’ve got more to do than time to do it, but with less concern over being caught in  logjams.

Are You In The Moment by Calvin Harris H.W.,M.

Family gatherings and The Holiday Season seem to have us exhibit higher Tensions and stress levels. Emotions can flair.

Know that emotions are reactions to what may have happened to you rather than what is happening to you.  What you want to ask is “Are you letting emotions control your life?”

What comes next makes all the difference in your world. What comes next is your decision on your actions. Making decisions or taking action based on your emotions can result in a life driven by habits of reactions to circumstances rather than what’s possible...

What’s really possible for you, has infinite possibilities, available when you can stop, rethink and then listen to your intuition, or what I call The Unpredictable Good.

The unpredictable good comes to you when you can disassociate from past behaviors and emotions, and be focused on the present moment.

Allowing your greatest possibility to unfold effortlessly. IF you listen to and follow your intuition, rather than the emotions that come and go.

Understanding and learning to harness your feelings are the first steps on the journey to self-actualization. They are some of the keys to emotional intelligence.

Finally, understanding your ability to Feel, Rethink, and Apply Intuition is your birthright,  coming from who you indeed are, Consciousness, and your ability  to experience a more harmonious life, effortlessly in tune in the moment.

Contact me, when you are ready to journey towards your attuned life.

Take a small step...  Calvin Harris H.W.,M.  thothlearningcircle@gmail.com

Are You Living A Life That Feels Like It Belongs To Somebody Else? - by Calvin Harris H. W. M.

‘Befuddled’ is the destination we get to when we attempt to persuade our head of something that we know in our soul is clearly false.

Excruciating and unpleasant are the feelings one carries when living falsely. The problem is you're concealing how you truly feel, or saying what you think others need to hear you say, while doing things you would really prefer not to do—on the grounds that you believe you should.

 If this is done often enough, we don't remember we're doing it. There is only the sensation of realizing we feel off, or something feels wrong, and we are oblivious to know how to transform it.

 You know it when you hear your inner voice say,  “I don’t play an active role in my life, stuff just happens, and  you feel – Oh, we are doing that now.”

 What is an oblivious person?

 One lacking the memory of one’s authentic self. Thus, lacking active conscious knowledge or awareness of what to, or how to, act on one’s own behalf.

It bodes well when we become awake enough to deal with the battle, within us, for consistency with our authentic self.

From our early training forward, we have been educated to be acceptable,  to conform, and try not to make waves—to turn down our volume, get in line, and stop our crying (or they'll give us something to cry about).

The majority of humanity has not had the chance to get educated or even acquainted with the authentic self, to be able to cultivate or follow their true interest. Day-to-day tasks devour our authority of what options we have or what these tasks mean to us. Our bodies grow anxious from extended periods of tasked situations with no examination, and our brains are overpowered with retained realities that rule out free reasoning, thus draining our feelings of being energized or satisfied inside ourselves.

Many people’s experiences are similar to my own growing up, within my teen and early twenties when I was living life as a chameleon. When I was acting within expected and accommodating behaviors and yet continually hoping to be seen demonstrating an authentic self that made a difference. Of course, that was not going to happen working from the playbook of life that had been handed me by my culture and education.

 I did not fully understand my own opinions nor options while being too busy choking out my psyche with fears and desensitizing my feelings to even a small portion of self-awareness that was trying to emerge.

I am a bit embarrassed to say, but it implied I had no clue about what I required. I just realized I didn't feel, see, or hear it. I felt like nobody truly knew me. And yet, how could they when I was not even acquainted with myself?

Looking back, I realize I'd gained ground after a major setback forced me to finally sit down with myself and consider my life. It is funny but who came to mind was Fred McFeely Rogers, aka Mr. Rogers.

He was an American television host, author, producer, and Presbyterian minister, who at the time was up against television portrayals of macho men, and hyper-masculinity images. Working from his authentic self, he created and produced a television show that portrayed a man, who could be nurturing, kind, and caring; that showed an alternative to how to be in the world. His targeted audience, the next generation of world citizens, the children, and his program was called Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

This man was impactful to me on many levels, but at the time, what stood out was his words, in one of his books, that said:  "One can only earn trust through personal integrity.” I realized personal integrity had to start with me.

I had to ask myself: “If there were no restrictions, what would I do,  and who would I be?”

After about a year or so, and many attempts that brought up insignificant answers, which were really rundowns of flighty decisions to try and back up various faulty and illegitimate reasons I gave to continuing with already-in-place faulty conclusions. I finally began a conscious move to shift-shape from trying to satisfy others, to what is it that I truly wanted to do, to make a difference.

I had to think through not being an individual who panders to what is the prominent or a ‘what’s happening right now”  attitude. I realized I  preferred not to squander time attempting to being just adequate for another, as opposed to being outstanding doing what is right given my innate gifts and working from my authentic self.

A change started to happen as well when I stop allowing others to direct my decisions without contemplating the outcome.  I had to consider myself as the author of my thoughts, the ability to think and govern thought.  I needed to realize that my thoughts are what make up my actions, my principles, and create the terms upon which I live.  Giving me permission to choose what my freedom to decide is based upon.

This implied stripping away layers of dread and mold, to find that unalterable truth about myself and having it be consistent with what I did and accept as correct. I am Consciousness, the ability to think, research, weigh the evidence, and make decisions that will manifest in my material world.

Yes, no matter how hard or difficult it was to accept this unalterable truth, it had to be done for me to be set on solid ground. A foundation from which those bouts of occasional weighty indecision or fear are relieved with a straightforward understanding of the authentic self.

In the event that you likewise want to choose authentic genuineness over endorsement of looped-in-responses, then maybe this will be helpful to you as well.

What you may come to realize is that alignment with your authentic self  means that it sets the rule and will be consistent with how encounter  your life if:

You concede you are evolving consciousness, and that is to say, you are awake and mindful of your actions taking place, no matter whether that movement or action you fully understand or not; or that a task you have taken on is what you had expected; or a task that you declined doing because you could not do it and have respect from your inner voice.  It is a type of mental fortitude.

You permit yourself to evolve and relinquish what you've outgrown.

This is likely the hardest focus for being awake or mindful that there is since it's not just about being consistent with yourself; It is perceiving when something has run its course and is no longer of value to sufficiently move you to what is coming next.

What’s coming next can feel vacant like a void or it can likewise feel light and exciting That vacant space isn't generally something awful,  it’s just different, and consciously going with it proves favorable as a place for additional opportunities—for satisfaction, fervor, enthusiasm, and happiness.

 Consciously going with it, tweaking it, and adjusting it, you find yourself being keener on seeing how much more there is to you while experiencing your own personal breakthroughs. This is better than just moping about in an agreeable life that presently feels like somebody else's.

I’d be happy to find out what you discover.

-30-

Straight Men Having Sex With Each Other...is that a Question? By Calvin Harris H.W., M

Josef Thorak, 1937, Comrades

This blog is the by-product of increased media exposure on Sex Classifications, vs Gender Identification vs Sexual Orientation  and of course “Bromance”.  

Questions to me about “Bromance” began surfacing five years ago because of alleged stories that got out, tagging  me in alleged tryst with various straight men, over a 10-year span of time. I found myself in conversations and debates about the subject. That led to some readers  imploring… no, demanding… my thoughts and information on what I might know about ‘straight men’ sensuality, and sexuality.

I must admit, because of the nature of mens’ sensuality/sexuality, I have tried to steer clear of this conversation in blog forms. I felt a few lines on a page cannot give a comprehensive appraisal of the subject matter, nor the depth needed to establish legitimacy,  or to evaluate its potential for future generations, not even to give justice to its place in its historic past. Since the issue won’t rest and  with mounting pressure to speak on the subject, I will speak as  objectively as I can.

I begin by calling your attention to a Blog written for the prestigious - New York Magazine website called ‘The Cut ‘

The Cut is a blog site for hip readers who  proport to seek provocative takes on issues that matter from culture, politics, power, and relationships; I concede, that the Cut site also panders to the usual celebrity sightings and women’s  fashion trends.

In their AUG. 05, 2015 issue, under the heading of “Q&A” a blog title appeared -  “Why Straight Men Have Sex With Each Other”  which was written by Jesse Singal, as an excerpt  piece from a larger conversation between Singal and  Dr. Jane Ward. Jane Ward, an associate professor of women’s studies at the University of California, Riverside,  had authored the book “Not Gay : Sex Between Straight White Men”.  Dr. Ward, in her book claimed that beyond: “the fraternity and military hazing rituals, where new recruits are made to grab each other's penises and stick fingers up their fellow members' anuses;  there are online personal ads, where straight men seek other straight men to masturbate with; and, last but not least, the long and clandestine history of straight men frequenting public restrooms for sexual encounters with other men.” Jane Ward, suggests these sexual practices reveal a unique social space where straight white men can--and do--have sex with other straight white men; in fact, she argues, to do so reaffirms rather than challenges their gender and racial identity.

The Book and a term “bromance”, these past 20 years, kept popping up in song, seen on television, and at the movies,  it was even spotlighted in a 2007 high school’s humorously, awkward friendship movie, staring  Jonah Hill titled Superbad.

I believe bromances are not new, I find it was  more common and fluid before 1950 and before the introduction of twin beds, but that is a blog for another time. Bromances were especially prevalent during the war years  (WW1 and WW2) and was not considered homosexual at all, that is because there is a difference between sensuality and sexuality; between a manly embrace,  wanking off together, versus some  type of orifice penetration. Bromance contains more of an element of sensuality rather than sexuality.

I find that the majority of men identifying as straight cisgender males(straight) are those men that feel romantic desires towards women, but Cisgender relates specifically to gender rather than sexuality. A person can be considered cisgender (often abbreviated to just cis -straight) and can still be open to any sort of sexual couplings.

Cisgender males with the moniker of straight are usually connected to a  hetero-centric community which is the way they understand their masculinity. Thus the advantage of a  ‘Straight’ identification, in that community, for by its very nature it insures the man’s sexual identity will avoid discrimination. and if the off chance of  sex with another man occurred, it is treated as irrelevant to their identities. Thus bromances can occur without consequence.

Since 1950’s more and more of what would have been considered straight sensuality between men has fallen into the category of homosexual activity, creating a clear male from female gender divide in behaviors tolerated in the Western man and  Western woman in the U. S. Culture. The gauntlet had been laid down after WWII dealing with the divide between how Women and how Men after the war would define their sexual roles and mores in American life. Therefore, what would be tolerated culturally and who could dapple with their own sex had been restricted.  Under these Cultural constraints, a man’s sexual choice was conscripted to a fixed  monogamous, heterosexual, head of the household model.

Jane Ward references in her book, that “when heterosexual women make out with one another at a bar or party, it’s generally understood that they’re simply playing around for attention, or exploring the fluid space that is female sexuality.”  Versus  “when heterosexual men hook up with each other  it was seen as an act of desperation.”( due to lack of  access to female companions.)

When straight women hook up with other straight women, no real explanation is required; when straight men hook up with other straight men, it’s a different story.

The divide stems from a notion of female sexuality being more malleable, thus more inherently open to experimentation and variety, than the males.

In Ward’s book “Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men”,  she makes the case that this is a flawed understanding. Male sexuality sometimes labeled “homosexual contact” has been a regular feature of heterosexual life ever since the concepts of homo- and heterosexuality were first created —  She states “not just in prisons and frat houses and the military, but in biker gangs and even conservative suburban neighborhoods. Given how prevalent this behavior is in so many different sorts of settings, Ward suggest it’s time to stop explaining it away — and argues that society’s conception of male heterosexuality is an unrealistic, expedient one.”

Edward Casey. 1939, Stevedores Bathing Under The Brooklyn Bridge

I can remember as a youth, that if a man could reach the rank of being called a “Man’s Man”, there seemed to be permission for him to explore and break boundaries  and be looked up to for it.  It is with that attitude of manhood  that I suspect  Ward’s assumption that sex between straight white men allows them to leverage whiteness and masculinity to authenticate their heterosexuality in the context of sex with men. By understanding their same-sex sexual practice as meaningless, accidental, or even necessary, straight white men can perform homosexual contact in heterosexual ways.

These acts of sexuality  are not slippages into a gay way of being; no, they are more like a sensual expression of a desired but unarticulated identity for balance. We all contain  male and female attributes,  Ward argues, they reveal “the fluidity and complexity that characterizes all human sexual desire. In the end, Ward's analysis offers a new way to think about heterosexuality--not as the opposite or absence of homosexuality”.  I call it, its own unique mode of engaging in androgynous sensuality, a mode of behavior that Ward would say would be “characterized by pretense, dis-identification and racial and heterosexual privilege.”  In this new era of heterosexuality complexities in the modern era prevail.

There is new and on-going sexological and psychological research being done like Jane Ward’s.  This research suggests that men’s sexuality within long-held belief systems of  the term ‘ heterosexual’ desire as having been strictly hardwired impulses to spread their seed and thus being relatively inflexible to anything else will prove false.

So what happens when sexological and psychological research evidence is all pulled together? What might we glean about straight men’s Sexuality/Sensuality?

Will it be that the fundamental difference between men’s and women’s ‘sensuality’ is not accurate. That by combing the facts on  20th-century American  heterosexual sensual/sexual behavior, we would find dabblings in male on male sensual/sexual behaviors by straight-identified, single and married men?  That there will be evidence that such homo-erotic overtones took place within biker gangs, fraternities, male-only social clubs and societies,  as well as male -for - male free and sex-for- pay (flash for cash) encounters would not recreate a sexual misidentification for them.

These scenarios play out in more or lesser degree in all sorts of different situations and cultural contexts,  Evidence will show that this occurs without having the excuse of men being without women or in prison.

Men in the act of genital sensuality with another male is not because they are building a gay sexual union with another man, nor do they want one. The  language in that act may mean something different for the participants, perhaps an act of courage, or a ritual like a rite of passage, a celebration, as seen from sailors crossing the equator for the first time or of college students in a fraternity. Physical sensuality can be a release having no connection with gender identification at all.  

I hear it a lot  “Oh Yeah Sure” or,  “Oh, come on, I think these are really gay men who are posing as straight men.”  

What am I to say to that? Of course, there’s no way for me to verify everyone, If they say they are straight then they are straight. What I know of male sexuality/sensuality  is that many  men do identify as straight in their lives and have engaged in these activities.

It is clear to me that there is needed a new language or way to talk about men’s needs to express themselves with other men, sensually and physically, that is accepting of a man  keeping their heterosexual identity intact, when that’s the logic that applies.

Everyone has the right of choice of their gender and their expression of sexuality/sensuality, and that includes you.